I've been trying to break out of this 'no sleep' habit i got going on. Instead of going to bed at almost 4 each morning, im trying to get my ass in bed by the latest 2am. And so far i've been pretty successful with it. Until last night/this morning.
I'm knocked!
Drool, slob, eye curst, all that.
And there's this loud ass bang on my dorm room door. So me and my roommate Jenny roll over, look at each other to see who was going to actually get up and answer. I won-- Jenny got up.
Look at the time-- its 3 something.
So she opens, and its Tash.
"Get up son-- she needs us."
My girl Victoria is upstairs balling tears because her man for of almost 3 years tells her he does not want to be with her anymore. For whatever reason-- he cant seem to express vividly.
These guys were inseparable from the first day I met them.
But not to kill the story by telling HER story, basically he says that 'there are small things that they constantly disagree on and doesn't feel like they can be worked out."
Victoria respond to this is of course, "yes we can".
Long story short:
They had been going through their lil crisis. He told her that although they were going through their drama, he would hold up his promise of hitting her up, keeping things focused on them so that they can sooner than later get back on the right track. Apparently, he hadn't been, so Victoria went out her way to express to him that she wasn't feeling how he hasn't been keeping up with his end of the bargain. All she knows is, he starts barking odee, saying don't call him any more, a few name calling and that was that. Lets not forget, he had been "drinking." (I put the quotes around drinking because now everybody wana blame it on the goose!) Psssh. =/
I'm sitting there in my panties and tee, hair scarf and eyes still closed trying to figure out the science behind this maddness. And i begin to reflect back on my past relationships.
Victoria never really been through the drama of being with someone for so long, putting in her all and then at the end coming to find out that 1. all the time spent might have just been a waste of time and 2. she may never find a dude like this guy.
Being that this shit done happened to me before-- i already placed myself in her shoes. Myself, Tash, and a few of my housemates began to tell her that she just needs to let things flow. Its going to take a while before she actually gets over this man and regardless how long she sat there saying how much she hated him, the love was apparently something she cherished because if it had not been-- she would not be in the state she is now. A broken heart is hard to fix, love unreturned is like a question without an answer. And although he had been returning the love (for about 3 years), it seems it wasn't real enough for them to make amendments and really make things work.
And that is what Victoria wants-- to be able to get over this whole situation and change his mind.
But like i always say: Dudes will be dudes.
I'm not here to paint a bad picture of him because it's different from me being just his hommie then looking at him from my girls perspective.
I just cant-- cause i wasnt the one dating him.
But what i can do is understand where she's coming from.
All the heart ache and 'what if's' that i know, as im writing this is circulating in her mind.
I told her today at dinner that the best thing for her to do is stay focused on School-- that should be her #1 priority since her relationship is now no number.
The thing is though-- They say a drunk mind speaks a sober heart. So even though he just might say he was drunk and didn't mean it. Doesn't that work against him?
Why cant people just keep it real from the jump?
Why couldn't he just tell her why he doesn't want to continue their relationship?
And most importantly--what can she do to keep her time moving forward?
Any advice for her?
Anything ya'll can offer from previous experiences?
Leave it here.
"Relationships are just 30 minutes long...
Kind of heavy.
Maybe a lil Strong."
-Lupe.
Nothing last forever.
The best things must come to an end.
Now ask me why im single.
Shit.
Word.
=Milli Millz=
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ReplyDeleteIn my opinion if you find yourself with someone who has characteristics that aren`t healthy for you, you might have to step back & re-evaluate everything. If he can`t be honest about wanting to be with her, what would happen, say, down the rode & they were married with kids & had a simple argument over something? Would he just dip without a reason? Those are the type of things that you have to consider & though those thoughts don`t help in the moment they are good to consider when level-headed. Besides, you don`t want to be with someone who doesn`t value ur relationship equally. =\ That`s just my take!
ReplyDeleteHonestly, i love Lupe for that quote.
ReplyDeleteIt's on of those things I agree to disagree w. but love it nonetheless.
Lmao I was sleepy when I wrote that. I just read the entire post over & had a different perspective. Like I said the first time I commented, you cant be afraid of love no matter what you been through. I understand it's her first time loving & losing, but she will get through this. We as women been trained by the women around us that when a man leaves us, we cry and carry on, get revenge, never love again etc. We learn from an early age that breaking up = the end of the world and thats not true. In fact -- since men are so different from us, & sometimes a break up could mean he needs space & time to sort out HIS own shit that he's going through -- all that carrying on totally kills any chance of that happenening. Now he's turned off completely, you're making an ass of yourself, & any chance you two had of healing is dead now. But I'm not saying a man is right, I'm just saying he isn't always wrong. The moral is, negativity doesn't cure setbacks. You can't take a painful situation & then carry on in a way that breeds pain. Tell Victoria to just breathe, focus on herself, & maybe in doing that they can mend. But she gotta mend first. For two reasons: They can never mend if she doesnt -- & 2. if they never mend, she'll have herself. --- PEACE!
ReplyDeletemaking an ass of yourself?????
ReplyDeletethe problem with these types of relationships that you think will last forever, is that you become such an important part of each others lives that even when the relationship is "over", you continue to play the part of the girlfriend. I am currently making the mistake of continuing to be my ex's friend.. yes, i said it... currently, but it's going to take a lot before i can let him as a person go because when i have no one else i still have him and vice versa. And the fact that we have little else other than each other has been presenting itself time after time lately and so neither of us want to let go...
ReplyDeleteenough about me.. the point i'm trying to make is, she should let go now, before she falls into this pattern of pretending they can be friends. She should work on herself, school, career goals, become involved, keep herself busy. Maybe he'll come back... Maybe not, but either way, she'll be ready!